praning.

2007-03-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

hindi niya ma-gets na boba ako.. at may hangganan ang powers ko

e kung wag ka nalang kaya mag-girlfriend? :

getting tired...

2007-02-21T00:49:00.000-08:00

i sometimes forget how to live by myself... as myself...

i constantly need to remind myself that i am a "whole person"..

.... not a "half" of somebody else.

this is not my idea of fun..

seriously. :

i feel blank. empty. whatever.

Kuya Jess, fill me up... pls..

-----

Who am i?

Am i my course?

Am i vidprod?

Am i introre?

Am i radipro?

Am i my debut?

Am i my parents?

Am i happy?

Am i sad?

Am i somebody else's?

Am i my friends?

Haha! bakit ko ba ginagawa yung mga ginagawa ko? i feel like a robot :P and seriously, i don't know if i should be glad about it.. i feel that my inspiration to live is ripped out of my system.. there is no passion at all.. motivation.. whatever it is that they call that..

everything seem to be..errr.. monotonous?...

haha.. whatever.. enough with this shit. : i do need counciling..

heto na..

2007-01-20T18:46:00.000-08:00

sa totoo lang ha.. napapagod nako..

hindi ko na alam kung anong uunahin ko.. ang daming hiling ng mga iba't ibang aspeto ng buhay ko...

hehe. takte.. feeling genie naman ako. kahit papaano naman, binibigay ko sa lahat ng tao ang lahat ng aking makakaya. sinusubukan ko gawin lahat ng obligasyon ko.. pero parang hindi pa din sapat.

sorry na ha! *sings* i'm not a super woman..

pero oo nga.. lahat ng tao may hangganan.. at malapit nako umabot dun.

pagod nako! pagod! gusto ko ng katahimikan! kung mumu lang ako.. minulto ko na kayong lahat! punyeta.

hindi na ako masusupresa kung isang araw e gumising ako na meron ng puting buhok. : ( punyeta.. dagdag na naman sa iisipin yun.. pagpapakulay ng buhok.. leche)

sige na nga.. magsusulat nako..

2006-12-25T23:18:00.000-08:00

ang pasko ay sumapit.. at tinatamad ako magsulat.. pero gusto ko.. so bahala ka na kung maiintindihan mo to. :

nakakita na naman ako ng sampu't saring mga tao na nakikita ko lamang ng isang beses kada taon. ay.. osige.. dalawang beses.. kasi pag birthday nila pumupunta ako. ayun. huwaw. sumakit ang panga ko dahil obligado akong umismile.. hehe. tila "naka-plaster" sa muka ko ang "ngiti".. hay kapagod. pero sige.. ok lang :)

base sa mga regalo kong natanggap..masasabi ko na matanda na nga talaga ako. sa kasamaang palad e wala ng toys at kung ano ano pang mga abubot. pero hindi naman ako malungkot dahil dun.. at least may natanggap dba? :) madaming nagbigay sakin ng bag.. at oo.. gagamitin ko ito sa school :) yey! di ko nga lang magamit yung 12 x 5 na bag.. dahil hindi ko alam kung pencil case ba to o ano.. eh? ultimo wallet at celephono ko hindi magkasya.. sus.

Namiss ko bigla si santa clause. aaminin ko, naniniwala pa din ako ngayon. feeling ko meron talaga.. pero alam ko na yung pekeng santa yung naniniharan.. este pumupunta dito sa bahay. ngayong taon, hindi kinuha ni santa ang sulat ko sakanya.. dahil hindi naman talaga ako nagsulat.. sorry na.. majors e.. busy.

hindi lamang sa mga party nagsulputan ang mga hindi ko masyado nakakausap na tao.. pero pati na din sa telepono ko... oha.. iba na talaga ang teknolohiya ngayon. madaming bumati sakin ng maligayang pasko. yey! masaya na ako dun :) pero meron din ibang mga tao na nagtext kesho namimiss daw nila ako.. woooh.. bagot lang sila :)) diii.. joke lang. yung iba naman e namimiss ko din naman talga.. :)

sa mga party na dinaluhan ko, hindi na nawala ang usong uso na novelty song ngayon.. wala ng iba kundi ang boom tarat tarat.. lahat na yata ng version ay napakinggan ko na. may bersyon ng mga batang makukulit.. mga batang konyo (buuum teraat teraat w/ matching pinky finger na nakataas at mahihinhin na galaw).. mga lolo at lola.. mga teenager (ehem.. hahaha!).. at mga kasamahan sa bahay (sila nga siguro ang pumapangalawang magaling sumunod sa mga bata). ayun.. mabuti naman at graduate nako sa mga ganyang mga christmas program.. ang huli yatang nakasama ako e uso pa ang shalala. ok.. wag na sanang umandar ang imahinasyon mo. : hindi din nawala sa christmas party namin ang "pagpila".. nagmistulang ATM ng mga magugulong bata ang mga tito, tita, lolo, lola... aba.. dito siguro hindi kami (mga medyo may edad na) exempted :P oye!

ang handa.. ang mga makasaysayang handa ng pamilya ko.. ang masasbi ko lang.. SHET. sira ang pagddiyeta ko. sa mga makakakita sakin sa pasukan.. HAHA. :

ayan na.. tinatamad na talga ako magsulat. naddistract na din kasi ako sa hilik ng tatay ko. dito kasi natulog sa kama ko. amp :

magdadagdag na lang ako sa susunod na entry.. paalam :)

i am a lame blogger

2006-12-25T21:29:00.000-08:00

i want a copy of

1. nightmare before christmas
2. shaun of the dead
3. fight club
4. y tu mama tambien
5. donnie darko
6. one way ticket to mombasa

period.

because of the fact that i am fucking STRESSED...

2006-11-20T05:41:00.000-08:00

I perceive myself as a filthy, sordid, revolting piece of shit trapped inside the septic tank of homework. I also see myself entwined with tendrils of paranoia that makes my whole body shrivel up because it has seep in my self belief, potency, faith and God-knows-what.

Naaah.. I just miss being “emo”. [(not emo mainstream.. emo prinsesapraning style. Hehe.) with a certain few people to be specific]

I am losing myself. : .. i think.

Again, can I just say… I get what I NEED but I don’t always get I WANT. so STOP it.. whatever you are doing...

this is one long sentence

2006-10-08T05:17:00.000-07:00

the thing about making an assignment in a lazy and dazed state of mind is that it only gets you to your first lousy point and then it leads to another and so on until you finish with a paper that is full of crap.

i have so much stuff inside my head. i couldn't start a single introfi assignment. i couldn't even understand some of our lessons. i have pending fotocam contact prints. i have reporting. i have heaps of term papers. i have two papers for filipi3. i have church service..

and yeah.. i'm not doing anything about it. fucker.

my life is going nowhere...

at least i know where its going..

eh?

ok, matters of the heart..

i am certainly uncertain.
fucking oxymoron.

i could only decide to the extent of which ballpen i am going to use everyday. anything beyond that, i couldn't dare.

i'm sorry if i'm letting time rule over us...

haha. but i know we're ok.. are we?

kaya hindi nalulugi ang baygon

2006-10-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

tamo.. pati yung mga langaw nabagot sa black out.

ha! what's new, bamboo?!

2006-09-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

i sulk in the corners of my room wishing that I have what I don’t have.

The guts to say no.

NO
NO
NO
NO
NO

Fuck.

I can’t say NO! For years, I have been torturing myself with this two letter word. And for years, I haven’t done anything about it. Shit.

I’m trying to analyze these things, and I came up with a lot of possibilities.

haha! at sakin na lang yun.. :P

punyeta.

don't mind me.. i'm just spoiled.

2006-09-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am drowning in alcohol, yet again.. just like my second term last year.

Shit.

I know, I really really really know, that I started out this year right. After that “summer incident” and those incidents before that, I decided that I would take a break from alcohol, gimmicks, kulays and all that shit. I’ll be that “good girl” way back in the early years of my highschool. But unfortunately, life doesn’t want me to be that person .. not now.

In times like these, I could feel that life is creeping behind me. As a girl of total paranoia, I could sense that there is some big surprise waiting for me just around the bend.

Uuhgk.. I do hate surprises… well, it depends :)

Shit.

Come on.. what’s the catch!?

As an innocent person, I am weirded out by all these shit. Some shit I could barely handle and some I couldn’t handle at all. Why can’t life just follow my lead? How come that I NEED to get by with its fucking disapprovals?

Life has its own ways of teaching me..err.. stuff. And sometimes it sucks. Big time.

bargas magsalita

2006-09-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

ano bang ginawa ko?

ang dayaaaaaaaa

akalain mo nga namang dinudugas na naman ako ng buhay. alam ko na wala ako sa posisyong magsabi nito.. pero HINDI KO DAPAT NARARAMDAMAN TO.

hay naku.. : ayoko na. ayoko na. ayoko na.

baduy pero..

2006-09-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

ang cute nung ibang parts.. pero yung last.. parang ang baduy. : oh well.. nakuha ko ito sa bestfriend kong si siena :)

siete siete: back to emoland

2006-09-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

simple lang ang naging gabi ko sa siete siete.. at natutuwa ako dun :) simpleng upo at inom lang ang naganap, pero sobrang nakakarelax. astig. basta.. pupunta pa ako sa mala-bahay na beer house na yun uli. (mala-bahay na nga.. beer HOUSE pa.. hahaha!)

hindi lang umikot ang kasiyahan ko sa nakapalibot saking alcohol at ulap ng usok. natuwa ako kasi nakapagisip isip na naman ako... at medyo matagal ko ng hindi nagagawa yun. kaya gusto ko bumalik dun...baka sakaling magisip na naman ako. e kung dun nalang kaya ako kumuha ng mga test ko. pucha. :

pero yun nga.. naliwanagan ako.. kahit na sabihin pa nating dim ang lights dun. hanep. tumawa ka.

minsan gusto ko talaga isulat yung nararamdaman ko.. pero parang hindi siya pwedeng ilakip sa mga simpleng salita lang.

kaya eto.. nagggiyera sa loob ko. nagrrally.. pwede din. gusto na kasi nilang lumaya.

may naisip ako kagabi..
minsan, nararamdaman ko na deprived na akong magreklamo. e kasi .. nakukuha ko naman lahat ng kinakailangan sa buhay para mabuhay (???) so bakit ka pa magrereklamo dba? yun ang sa tingin nila.. pero sa tingin ko.. may karapatan pa din ako magreklamo. ok ang pamilya ko, nakakakain naman ako ng tatlong beses o higit pa sa isang araw, "nakakaaral" sa isang mabuting paaralan at madami pang iba.. pero hindi pa din yun YON e. hindi ko nakukuha lahat ng gusto ko. siguro, yung mga taong nagiisip na kuntento na ako (e di pwede na akong mamatay?!) yun ang gusto nila. pero ako, gusto ko ba yun? well.. naaapreciate ko naman talaga. pero alam mo yun.. pare pareho lang naman tayong hinahanap ang mga bagay na wala sa atin.

(ieedit ko.. )

dayz high

2006-08-27T23:12:00.000-07:00

This weekend is the best weekend of my August 2006.
Sobra.

I love coming back to days! nakakatuwa talaga. I love meeting all the dayzers and talking to them, eating all the extra food, sleeping and not sleeping, guitar sessions with Mang Jun, sticking with my best friend all the time, Milo Bear hugs, laugh trips, participants, singing, uberly hot candles and letting the sunshine in! hahaha! Ibang klase talaga dun.. parang pag tapak ko palang dun sa venue nung friday.. parang na-strip off na agad lahat ng worries ko. Astig. Yun naman talaga ang days e.. wala munang problema problema.. si kuya jess muna :)

Kakatapos pa lang.. pero I’m already looking forward to the next weekend. Ahihihihihi!

i.am.annoyed.phrases.

2006-08-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

the problem with me is that i complain too much.
i
am
never
satisfied.
shit.
i can't put into words what i'm feeling
all i know is that its a form of anguish.
i don't know where this feeling is coming from.
i just hate it.
..and its fucking irrationality

i am annoyed.

i shouldn't be.

ifeelabandoned.

wala akong maisip

2006-07-30T05:18:00.000-07:00

i do the craziest things when i'm

a. drunk
b. sad

*ang dami kong gagawin. aaah! oh well..

nagpost ako kasi nagfail kami ni majet sa orient2

2006-07-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

may naalala lang ako.. may nakausap akong tao.. parang ganito yung conversation namin:

tao: alam ko naman na hindi ako papasa sayo e..
ako: huh? ano ako? quiz?! exam?! test?! subject?!

eh? ang labo. leche. sorry na.

yes yes yes.. bumagsak kami ni majet sa orient2 dahil lamang na-late kami ng 15 minutes. e kasi naman.. naligaw kami ng room. ang tanga ko talga.

alam niyo ba kung saan yung room?.. dun din sa room namin last week! @_@ kamusta naman!?

wala na.. hindi na ako magddL poreber!!! haha! sorry na..

praningness comes with pessimism. :

oh well.. :D

goodbye summer fling

2006-07-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

I know its useless if I still write something about you… about what happened.. about us.. if ever there was “us”.

You thought that nothing happened.… that there was not even a single spark. I guess you always assumed that you’re worthless in my eyes and that I never really give a fuck about you… or so you said. Fuck you.. you never really listened to me.

But you know what, I did. I did give a shit about you.
You are (.. or were) not worthless. You were something to me.
You were my summer fling.

I never believed when you said that you think that I am taking this too lightly… that you know that I’m not affected at all. I know and I feel that you know in the soles of your heart that I was affected.. I know you know that I reciprocated your feelings... I just don’t fucking understand why you had to invent those asshole statements and excuses about me not connecting with you. shit you. It just made things worse you know. You’re just too scared… that’s all. I have nothing against your cowardice. But the fact that you never really told the truth makes me want to kill you. (sorry :P)

When I was with you, I pretended that I was senseless. And fuck you because you took advantage of that. Just because I said it everything was okay doesn’t mean you could just drop me like that.

Okay. Enough. I’m forgetting this.

I guess.. we were just a phase. Let’s just pass the time.

If ever you will come across this entry.. Let me take this chance to apologize. I also had my shortcomings. I always had that happy façade when in fact, not everything is alright. I’m sorry. Also, pardon me for the curses… though I never really said it to you directly. I can’t help it. I have a fucking filthy mouth.. :P

The rain is starting to fall real hard. Let it drain way down.. together with what we felt.. what we had..

iresponsableng bata

2006-07-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

sa kasalukuyan..

nasa goks ako..
kalikod ko si kris (hi kris!)
nasa far right ko si maje (hi majet!)t..
may ka-txt..
nagiinternet..
nakaupo..
humihinga..
tumitingin..
nagttype..

tanginang yan.. di man lang ako nagaaral

ang kapal talaga ng muka ko.. di pa ako nagaaral para sa filipi midterms. shet. patapon na tong buhay ko -_-

random thoughts and late rants

2006-07-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

MONDAY
*salamat sa Diyos at natapos din ang limang lunes na ikinakakaba ko.. amp. ang tapang ko.. limang karayom din yun noh! leche. ayoko na makagat ng aso! ever! pero if ever man na kagatin nila ako.. immune na ako e :P hehehe. yey :)

*kanina, nung nasa may EDSA kami.. yung paliko sa may santolan, meron akong nakitang mala-matrona na rumarampa sa may gilid ng kotse namin. hindi ko maiwasan na hindi tumitig sakanya.. bakit kamo?! kasi nagbbenta siya ng sampaguita. 0_0 nakakagulat lang talaga.. ngayon lang kasi ako nakakita ng sampaguita vendor na naka button down shirt.. naka-make up.. naka pencil cut pants.. naka sandals.. naka headband.. at may dala pang wallet.. oha! feeling ko nga "fairy godmother" siya e.. labo! pero yun nga.. nagbalak ako bumili. kasi naawa ako. eh?.. naku.. kung sampaguita lang pala ang katapat ng pagiging mayaman.. shet! magtatanim nako sa bakuran namin!

TUESDAY
* eh basta! yun na yun :P

WEDNESDAY
* buong araw sa band room :) astig :)

THURSDAY
* akalain mo nga namang hindi ako nagaral sa intreco. ang kapal talaga ng muka ko..

FRIDAY
*sana hindi nalang ako nagaral sa library nung break.. .wala din naman ako nasagot sa test sa intreco.

* nagdinner kami ng pamilya ko kasama si kuya louie. at kanina ko lang narealize na 5th wheel pala ako. HAHAHA! oh well :)

inaantok nako...

alam ko na kung kanino ako nagmana..

2006-07-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

dad: uy.. di natin napaluto yung footlong (hotdog)

*pause*

dad: SHORTlong! haha.

HAHAHAHA! sorry na! benta sakin! humirit pa e! mali naman! dba dapat yung "long" yung papalitan?!

hindi malungkot.. hindi masaya.. steady lang.

2006-07-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

One glass of vodka. That’s all I ask for this day.. this hour.. this minute.. this second. Call me a disoriented teenager, but intoxicating myself seem to be enough just to numb my whole being from all this distress… from all this thinking. (I’m tired of thinking… too bad.. I can’t cannot think)

yaaak.. anu ba yung sinabi ko. BWAHAHAHAAH!

One of my friends (hi huey!) said, “thing’s would’ve been different if I hadn’t met this person.” Yes, I have felt that several times. And surprisingly, I don’t bear any regrets. i get depressed and cynical though.. but still, no regrets. :)

I love life so much that I can’t let anyone or anything ruin in. I can’t just stop now.. now that I’m on the threshold of something greater and more powerful :)

ang araw na to ay... yay yaaaahyy.. ayayayaaayaaa!

2006-06-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

astig kasi nagkapatiran ako kanina. ito lang ako masasabi ko..

sobrang napagod ako. 0_0

PERO OK LANG :D worth it naman lahat.

sa kasalukuyan, gabing gabi na.. at sobrang pagod na pagod nako. but still! nagiinternet pa din ako. kamusta naman?! adik ako, adik. hindi ko alam kung bakit.. pero parang ayoko pa talga matulog. parang wala akong gana. pffttt..

sa wakas! nagkasakit din ako. hahaha! astig :) madaming tao ang nawweirduhan sakin.. dahil naaastigan ako dahil nagkasakit ako. sorry na. minsan lang kasi ako magkasakit e. hindi ko alam kung bakit.. baka kasi talgang malakas yung resistensya ko :P ehe.. di ko alam.

astig kasi naginuman kami nung friday.. shet. tataba na naman ako. hahahaha! oh well.. e masarap kasi uminom e.. pfftt.. DBA?!

naiinis ako sa sarili ko.. dahil hindi ako nakaabot sa party ni raissa. waaaah!!! nakaabot nga.. pero nagppack up na ung mga tao. shet. nakakahiya.. tipsy tipsy pa ko nung pumunta ako dun. hahaha. oh well...

natatangahan pa din ako sa sarili ko dahil sa mga pangyayari nung mga nakaraang linggo. pero buti nalang at may mga taong pilit na pinapagaan ang pakiramdam ko. astig kayo :) salamat :)

sorry kung magulo yung post.. sisihin yung mga daliri ko. :)

nagunaw ako. waaah!

2006-06-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

shet ka. i thought you were independent.. but NOOOOO! mainstream ka pala..

hu hu hu hu.

shet. TO.. sobra. nahiya tuloy ako bigla.

tanginang.leche. fuck.shit. bitch.asshole.pucha.puta.amp.takte.gago.ulul.motherfucker.

tanginang post

2006-06-20T04:22:00.000-07:00

sa kasalukuyan, pwede kong masabi na hindi panatag ang aking kalooban. bakit kamo? aba'y hindi ko din alam. para bang may sariling gera ang aking sistema na kahit kailan man ay hindi papantay sa kaguluhan sa iraq. mabuti nga dun alam nila ang dahilan.. e yung mga kaganapan sa bawat araw na ginawa para sakin ng Diyos.. aba.. wala talga akong ideya.

ika-12 ng hunyo 2006.. araw ng kalayaan... araw na kinagat ako ng aso ko. hanep sa takilya ang pagkagat niya sakin. HUWAW. pero taliwas sa inakala kong tindi ng sakit na maidudulot nito, hindi naman pala ito ganun kagrabe. kung tutuusin, mas masakit pa ang kagat ng tao.. hehe. joke lang. basta.. hindi ito gaano kasakit. nung kinagat ako ng aso ko, maniwala ka man o sa hindi... eh nanlaki ang mga mata ko. :)) parang biglang tumigil yung oras at para bang may hinihintay ako..hinihintay ko yung kirot. pero wala.. nawalan ako ng pakiramdam..

sana ganun din ako sa ibang larangan ng buhay dba?.. leche.

kagaguhan ang naganap kanina nang magkasama kami ng pinakamatalik kong kaibigan na si siena. ginawa namin ang mga normal na ginagawa ng dalawang magkaibigan.. pumasok sa mga tindahan at magtanong ng presyo.. at kung mahal.. aba. e di chupe na!

minsan pala, nararamdaman ko na "bridge" lamang ako. basta.. sa ibang post na yun :) kasi tinatamad nako :)

hi nga pala sa mga bago kong kaibigan :) umpisa palang ng ating samahan, pero gusto ko na sabihin to.. salamat :) (uuy.. masyado nakong ma-keso! *cheesy*)

wattaday!!!!

2006-06-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

666 is the new valentine's day :) haaaayyyy...

lahb ees in da air!!!

love is...

2006-06-05T05:51:00.000-07:00

hawee.. < 3

ask me about it. :)

electric dreams

2006-06-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

I have never seen the sky so electric. Its natural display left me in awe while waiting for the traffic light to go green. I love the way the thunderbolts traverse the midnight starless sky. The atmosphere was revamped whenever a vein of light intertwines with the clouds.
Its beautiful.
Just like the sky, I am emotional. The intensity of lighting is within the same gauge of my ability to sense and to suffer. My feelings electrocute my body and never fail to warp my sanity. The only difference is that my actions, although natural, aren’t beautiful at all. They are inscriptions of my recklessness, selfishness and blamelessness.
but then, the lights went green.

i'm trying too hard to entertain myself. shit.

2006-06-01T04:22:00.000-07:00

today is one of those fucking days when i feel stupid..

yes.. i feel stupid and useless..

stupid....

stupid!

love... soft as an easy chair.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

shet. 0_0

speaking of L-O-V-E....

i don't want to speak about it. ahihihihihihi! :) labo! :P

by the way highway, i have tons of reading assignments.. and i'm too lazy and unfocused to start with any of it. -_- huwaw.

fucked up first week

2006-05-30T03:44:00.000-07:00

first week of classes was fine.. just fine. i've been called in class twice and i never, NEVER, failed to make a fool out of myself. tanginang motherfucking shit yan..

school makes me feel fucked up..and that's not good. agree with me or else..

i hate it when i feel like a clueless sloth..

shet. ang labo nun ha..

anyway, here's good news!

andito na si... *drum roll*

DZZUUUUNYYOOOORRRR!!!!!!

nostalgic and allergic

2006-05-27T00:48:00.000-07:00

waah.. i just read my other blog.. and, for some reason, i can't seem to explain the mushy-ness and the cheesy-ness of my past entries. shit.

THAT WAS ME?!?! motherfucking holy cow!

i'm shocked with how i've been expressing myself. haha. i'm scandalized.. really. i can't believe i was/am THAT open to cyberworld. shit.

hahaha. sorry na.. i can't help it! hihihihihihi.

finally.. i found the perfect t-shirt

2006-05-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

cure me.

my first favorite emo song

2006-05-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you
please don't take my sunshine a w a y....

the other night, dear,
as i lay sleeping
i dreamed i held you in my arms
when i awoke, dear,
i was mistaken
and i hung my head and cried.

-barney

2006-05-19T02:35:00.000-07:00

~~but i am too weak to be your cure~~

~~... guernica -brand new~~

random thought

2006-05-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

an attempt to be a photographer
shit. i'm desperte to learn how to take 'good' pictures.

practice makes perfect.
but nobody is perfect.
therefore, i shouldn't practice.

haha. kaya walang patutunguhan ang buhay ko e. hahaha! tignan mo naman kung pano ako magisip?!

by the way, these two pictures were taken during the first rain of may :) yahoo :)
**
i don't like cheezy.. but i love majety :)

helpless

2006-05-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

you might think that these are new born puppies.

but NOOOO!

these are mice. our helper found them when she was rummaging outside our house. the litter literally fell on her when she, by chance, disturbed it. she brushed the brood into a dust pan and poured filthy water on it. when she showed me this, i suddenly had this urge of grabbing a bottle of muriatic acid, liquid sosa, alcohol, kerosene, or even just my baby cologne. i don't want to kill them. i just want to see the effect of chemicals on their pink and hairless bodies. i was also thrilled on the thought that i will witness them squirm and suffer. and besides, if they die, i wouldn't be bothered that much because sooner or later they'll turn into fat icky harmful rats. killing them would even let my mother have another reason to be proud of me. hehe. but then, God whispered and said that even if they would grow up chewing on our things, they still deserve to live... normally. i also, in some way, believe in karma. hehe. i don't want to be oppressed when i'm totally helpless.

NEXT.

this is a dead bird. i found this under the table in our terrace.

its beautiful. <3>

i just realized.. in some way, i'm fond of little helpess and harmless creatures. :) bwahahahaha!

2006-05-11T00:46:00.000-07:00

i erased my whole blog. pucha!

** false alarm. shit. nanerbyos naman ako nun! hahahaha!

and the first place goes to.. not you

2006-05-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

I’m suppose to study for my stat101 exam now.. but alas! I’m typing an entry, yet again, like a motherfucker… Shitty. The praning side of my mind appears to be in frenzy lately.

Anyhooo…

Somehow, I’ve pondered on the word ‘almost’.. meaning ‘nearly’, ‘not quite’, ‘just about’ etc. and it just sank in to me, harshly and deeply, that this simple yet heart piercing word seems to be one of the gravest that I’ve gone through. And recently, is hiking up my list of top most dreaded nightmares. Yey.

‘Almost’, as far as I know, have tortured a lot of people… And unfortunately, I am one of its frequent victims. For me, it really fucking sucks! Being almost there.. is not there at all.. (ehh?) its like being second best.. if ever there is such a term… shit.. second best?! What the fuck.. I hate that feeling.. that feeling of being already there.. but not quite there. Wherever there is. 0_0 waah. this is just so confusing.

But honestly, the bittersweet twinge it does to your heart is quite gratifying. It makes you feel pain.. even anguish.. even hate.. and it never fails to make you realize that you are imperfect… that you have flaws.. It never fails to make us remember that we are just human. and we can't do anything about it. Our strengths define each of us.. but as well as our flaws.. our mistakes.. our shortcomings.

Having been able to feel these deranged emotions seems to be a way for Jesus to talk to me. And I like it when he talks to me.. really.

Yes, my friend, you’ll be dismayed if you landed on the word ‘almost’. It scares the hell out of me, and probably, you’d feel the same way too. I’d rather be on the top most or down down down below.. but never float in between. But I guess it’s how life works. And I have to get used to it. (or if ever I don’t, I’ll just push thru with my plans involving a glass of vodka and a gun)

Sometimes, you just can’t get what you want. You’ll get close to the dream.. but not get the dream itself.

Raaarrr… shut up you spoiled bitch!

yes.. I think I’m back to my old self :)

time out

2006-05-06T02:30:00.000-07:00

My “ever reliable” and favorite wristwatch just got broken.. again. 0_0 GRRREEAAATTT..

For some reason, I felt that God talked to me via this phenomena.. HAHAHAHA!
So here’s the epiphany..

All this time I’ve been living life as if each tick of the clock is gold. Sometimes, I treat my wristwatch as if it were a time bomb… if I’m not done with my current task before or on the deadline that I’ve set.. everything will explode.. everything will fall apart.. everything will be ruined (naah.. I’m just exaggerating things.. but, yeah.. that’s pretty much what happens :P) And this, my foes, pressures me.. A LOT. I admit, I’m controlled by time much more than I could control it. Fucker. And it really stresses me out.. it burns me out.. it wears me off.. blah blah blah.. Sometimes, I feel that time is not enough for all the things that I wanted to do. Well, maybe its possible, but my body can’t accommodate all at the same time. Raarr… AND THAT… is just very depressing.

SO?!?! Anong koneksyon?!

I feel that God wants me to have a “break” from my time pressured life. He/She wants me to take things slowly or better yet be oblivious to time. Probably, He/She wants me to trust Him/Her more than time itself. He/She wants me to really believe that he’s given me much time just enough for fate to take its course. (I’m preaching already! Yikes! Papasok na ba ako sa pinakamalapit na kumbento?! Hahaha!)

Aah.. thanks to the guy up there... because he wants me to relax..
to chill..
to take it easy…
to rest..
in peace?!?!
X_x

alam mo na kung sino ka..

2006-05-04T00:31:00.000-07:00

kapag ako pumayat.. (malayong mangyari!)

kapag ako naging HOT.. (mas lalong malayong mangyari!!! :))

kapag ako naging bihasa sa kahit anong instrumento..

pucha! patay ka sakin!

RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!

sabi mo:

this is the start..

brace yourself worthless praning princess..

vengeance is at hand

sabi ko:

woah! astig >:)

so little time.. so much to do..

2006-05-02T04:50:00.000-07:00

this summer, by far, is the worse summer that i've experienced... a lot of missed outings... insufficient sun exposure... and that feeling of despare because of not being able to hibernate within the comforts of my lovely bed. shit.

as expected, my summer classes aren't working for me. haha. i am severely infected with what i call "tamad-itis". such severe attacks happen in the morning... 8 -12.30 to be exact... and unfortunately, subsides until God-knows-when. fuck. i feel like a sloth.. or worse.. a slug. a big, fat, juicy slug. -_- raaarrr... can i just say, i daydream like a motherfucker to the nth degree. shit. hay nako.. nothing is going to happen to my life. i could sense it. aaaaaaahhh!

i'm stressed out
i'm burned out

i need a lot of rest. LOADS OF IT.

my blameless foe

2006-04-24T01:39:00.002-07:00

someone lurked inside my bedroom early this morning.. i became aware of its presence when i was turning the computer off.. as i reached for the bottom switch, there it was.. the intruder.. the culprit.. how could it possibly break the premises of my room?.. shit. i was staring at it.. my chinky eyes wider than usual.. For about five minutes, i was motionless. i didn't know what to do.. will i start screaming? will i get my slippers? will i awaken my parents? what?! WHAT?! after some time, an idea struck me! R-U-N! HAHA! i dashed for the door and gently closed it so as not to disturb thy sleeping parents..

i stood outside my room, feeling my throbbing heart. thank goodness, i wasn't harmed. i sucked a whole lot of air.. then said.. "tanginang pesteng ipis yan!!!"

i ended up sleeping beside my mom just because of that unexpected brown and winged visitor. my dad was laughing his head off when i told him what had happened. "ang laki laki mo.. tapos ang liit liit nun.. kaya mo ngang kainin yun e!" what the fuck! i'm scared of it. period. (-_-) our maid was also very involved with the discussion. "ano ka ba kim.. isa lang yon noh!". this, i believe, is definitely correct. but then, like what the commercial of baygon said " a single cockcroach represents a battalion of 'em" or something like that.. shit 0_0

unfortunately, because of this commotion, my dad insisted/forced/coerced (??) me to remove my kiddie mat. he said that it is a breeding place for pests. well, i couldn't blame him because last time an army of ants was discovered beneath it. And weird enough, there was already an anthill under construction.. i think. now, i have a bare room thanks to that ipis. fuck.. i'm hating the pest even more..

i concluded, after all the hallubaloo, that the ipis is what i would call my blameless foe. i hate it just because of its mere existence in this world. haha! evil. whether its 10 feet away or worse flying above my head.. i don't/won't like it. whatever form.. whatever size.. whatever color.. whatever.. i have no intentions of changing my views and start befriending the said creature. call me maarte, but not-hating it is impossible for me.

NOTE: pramis! ang dami ko talagang nakikitang ipis ngayon. pucha! may kumukulam ba sakin?!.. pls.. let me know. 0_0

how irrational can i get?!

2006-04-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

3.42 am na sa relo ko.. at may test pa ako sa stat 101 mamaya..

bakit gising pa ko?!

HAHAHAHA!

can i just say, kinikilig ako! hahaha! akalain mo nga naman..

pfft.. early in the morning.. sugar rush ang loka. bwiset.. siguradong bagsak ako mamayang gabi sa kama. ehe..

shet.. shet.. SHET talaga! hhmm.. kung kelan mo hindi ineexpect, dun mangyayari. haha. ayos! oks ka talaga jess.. you surprise me :) thanks.

NOTE:
sorry sa mga inistorbo ko sa pagtulog. hehehe. peace.

documented corny files: part 1

2006-04-20T00:29:00.000-07:00

oks.. sana mabasa niyo! hahaha! wala lang.. mga ka-cornihan pinaguusapan namin ni mameeh! HAHAHAHAHA! gusto ko lang idocument :P

return of the emo

2006-04-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

aba'y wala akong pasok ngayon at bukas.. tas may pasok na uli sa 20. puchangala!

anyway..

since wala akong pasok ngayong araw, kung san san na naman lumipad ang aking isipan. haha. ayan na.. pensive na naman ang loka. unang una sa lahat, feeling ko na naman walang kwenta at walang katuturan ang buhay ko. oo.. walang kwenta. lahat ng saya, puro panandalian lang.. minsan, pag malapit na matapos ang araw, mapapaisip ako.. ano bang napala ko? wala.. wala naman talaga.. empty.. kulang.. araw araw yan.. kaya minsan parang wala ng sense matulog e.. kasi bukas.. ganun na din naman.. eh? labo..

tangina. niloloko ko lang yata yung sarili ko e. gusto ko ng mamatay..

oo.. gusto ko ng mamatay. at alam kong madaming may gustong mamatay nako. wala naman akong nakakabanggang mga tao. as much as possible, ayokong magkaron ng kaaway. pero parte yun ng buhay... di ka tao kung wala kang nakakabangga. ano ka multo? (ehe.. ang labo.. pero bumenta sakin..) pero yun nga, mas gugustuhin ko na ngang maging multo kesa sa meron akong masaktan..

ok.. tatahimik na nga lang talaga ako..

sabi ng marami.. wala naman daw dapat akong ikabahala. madami naman daw akong kaibigan. onga naman.. ang dami kong pwedeng kausapin kapag may problema ako.. mabait lahat ng kaibigan ko.. sabi pa nga ng iba, pprotektahan at ireresbak daw nila ako sa kahit anong pangaba or gulo na mapasok ko..

pero pano nila ako mapprotektahan kung nasa loob ko yung gulo?

pakshet.

pero yun nga..

oks lang yun.. dba?

minsan parang gusto kong tumahimik...

2006-04-17T03:30:00.000-07:00

2006-04-12T05:27:00.000-07:00

BoHoL here i come! :)

a "few" random things to think about..

2006-04-03T00:34:00.000-07:00

is green media for me?... think.. think..

oh well.. i've got the whole summer to weigh the costs of whichever decision i make.. ahihihihihi. (i'm thrilled though.. ahihihihihi.)
*~*~*~*~*

can i just say.. AYLABMYNEWCHUCKS! hehehe.

i laaahb it!
its so rainbow-y...
ehehehe

*~*~*~*~*~*

grabehan. masakalanan ito. pero ang sarap e.. anong magagawa ko?!

isa ito sa mga kinababaliwan ko ngayong mga araw na toh. wala na! di nako papayat! -_-

raaarrr!

hhmm... its easier to smile nowadays..

..i don't know why :)

i'm not getting any better

2006-04-01T11:16:00.000-08:00

a blank page and a damn blinking curser..

pakshet.

come on! knowledge.. wisdom.. enlightenment possess meeeeeeeh!!!!!

swear.. i'm being my worse nowadays.

are you worth my one peso?.. text me :P

2006-03-31T19:00:00.000-08:00

1.40 nalang ang balanse ko sa celepono ko.. at di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko dun. amp.

to text or not to text? that is the question..

sheesh. to hell with that one peso..

katulad ng isang pisong load ko.. di ko din alam ang gagawin ko sa buhay. parang ang hirap magdecide.. ang hirap mag take ng risks. shet. kaya walang nangyayari sakin e.. takot kasi ako..

madami akong gustong gawin.. SOBRA. kaso nga lang minsan, di ko alam kung san magsisimula.. o kaya, madalas, pinangungunahan ako ng takot..

takot san?... aba'y di ko alam.. tangina.. naaartehan ako sa sarili ko..!

takot..
baka dahil sa posibleng mga taong makakabangga ko..
dahil baka di pangahalagaan ng taong paglalaanan ko ng risk yung gagawin ko para sakanya..
hay naku.. ang labo..

ma-pride lang talga siguro akong tao.. ayokong magkamali..

pffttt...

ayan.. nagastos ko na yung piso ko.. at kanino kamo?.. kay lahbidi :D

10 things that make me happy :D

2006-03-31T06:13:00.000-08:00

.. hopefully, i'll be able to experience all of these before i die :D yehey :D

1. climbing trees
2. watching sunsets and sunrises with someone special (eeh? baduy!!!!!! :P)
3. ccp bike fest :D
4. riding the train for no reason
5. manila zoo/ museo pambata and other similar places
6. parks at night with matching chrismtas lights, fountain, benches, lovers (mamboso!), ducks, fishy, trees, shrubs etc.
7. fireworks ala disney land
8. ice cream :D
9. counting stars
10. walking/running/playing in the rain

.. + flowers, candy, isaw etc etc

..the list goes on..

aaah... my simple joys.. :D

~edited~

wenk! meron pa pala!

.. hanapin yung dulo ng rainbow :D

confusion befriends me

2006-03-29T04:46:00.000-08:00

For once, i removed my paranoia..

and alas.. it became my downfall..

i cannot be not praning

its who i am..

its what i live for.. perhaps..

shit.

life and love will never match..

not at all..

you have to kill any of those two.. to fulfill one.

i'm sorry. i'm malfunctioning right now.

my heart aches. literally.

if i die... FUCK YOU.

iScream (naku.. patay tayo diyan)

2006-03-24T23:33:00.000-08:00

Kanina pa kitang pinagmamasdan
Mukha mo’y di maipinta
Malungkot ka na naman
Kanina pa kitang inaalok nang
Kuwentuhang masaya
Parang sayo’y balewala
Sandali nga
Teka lang
May nakalimutan ka
Di ba’t pwede mo akong iyakan
Sige lang
Sandal ka na
At wag mong pipigilan
Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit
Iiyak mo lang ang lahat sa akin
Andito lang ako naghihintay
Lagi mong tatandaan
Di ka naman nag-iisa
Andito lang ako makikinig sayo
Sa buong magdamag
Sa’kin di ka balewala
Sige lang
Sige lang sige lang

*alam kong baduy toh.. sorry na*

scardey piyar

2006-03-22T00:36:00.000-08:00

the fucking door of my parent's bedroom just slammed.. and fuck that because i'm alone in this fucking house. fuck. fuck. fuck.

yes yes.. i'm scared to death. i'm not moving right now.. well, except for my fingers and my fucking palpitating heart. shit. i'd not dare look sideways.. and for god's sakes.. behind! NO WAY!

i just called up my dad.. and he said its just the wind. SHIT. as far as i know, not even a whiff of air could possibly get inside this house. first, its so damn hot today.. second, our neighborhood is so congested.

shit. i'm scared. help me.

trapped

2006-03-17T04:29:00.001-08:00

i think they only love me whenever i do something "good".. or whenever i adhere to whatever they are in favor of..

this relationship is so materialistic.. everything seems to be negotiable.

good grades = something tangible

and that's it.

in crucial moments, every favor.. every deed is laid down before you.. and of course, as expected.. guilt and conscience will flood your system.. thus making you surrender.. its as if you have no choice but to return what is given to you.. or even exceed that.

sheeesh. so much for unconditional love..

enrollment etc.

2006-03-16T14:52:00.000-08:00

fucking enrollment system. why do they have to require a certain subject to a lot of students then not have ample slots for all of them? WHY LASALLE?! WHY?!

sad..

yesternight was a blur. i can't remember everything that happened. though i do recall a few things like the sight of red horse, those homos in tulyase, walking in sj walk, crying/screaming, and using the computer. when i woke up at around 5.30 am, my things were cluttered everywhere. my clothes yesterday were on the floor.. which most likely tell that i stripped them off like a snake shedding its skin. the pillows on my kiddie mat were scattered around as if a thornado passed by it.. i guess there was a throwing/kicking incident last night. on the whole, my room is a sorry sight. and with a loser inside it.. haha.. its more revolting and pitiful... well, i think its a normal effect of being intoxicated.

super rant!

2006-03-16T03:32:00.000-08:00

i admit.. i have amats now.. my chinky eyes are chinkyer..

I HATE MEN! assholes! demmit! putangina!!!

if only you could be sensitve.. like us! putangina! I HATE YOU!

i hate all of you!!!

pride.. chicken?

2006-03-13T13:07:00.000-08:00

i admit. i am quite proud.. but with good intentions.

weeeh??

pls.. let me explain.

for some reason, i can't ask for what i really want. i can't seem to insist people to do me favors. believe it or not, such situations really gets me so damn shy. :P i feel awkward when people offer me something. i feel that whatever they have to offer is better off if they keep it to themselves. i feel that i am in no match with the efforts and sacrifices that they will take on whilst the favor proper . and with that.. it results to my untainted veto.

there are also times when i refuse but deep inside me.. i'm in dire need of his/her help or i'm dying to put my hands on that thingamabob the person is giving me. shit. but alas, i still say no.. and this time.. i am not sure why. i can't admit to the other person that i want it so bad. i get shyyyyyy.... i feel weird. 0_0

that, my foes, is where the pride part comes in... i think. hhmm.. it displays pride in a sense that i'm not accepting the other person's present. dunchuthink? well.. I DONT KNOW. i really get shy.. super duper shy... during these situations.. shitty. kalabuan nga naman ng buhay..

i can't understand.. but i really get bashful when a person displays his/her goodwill and generosity to moi.. i feel that i'm not as precious and as worthy as their kindhearts...

!@#$%

i am sick. fucker...

i have loads of work to do.. yet procrastination is still my gameplan. >:P

daughter.

2006-03-10T04:58:00.000-08:00

my parents have this weird notion that i am a mini version of them combined.. and its annoying me to the limits. though they always say that i am 'free' and that i can be what i chose to be, they still lay down the ideas of conformity, 'the right thing to do', 'what looks nice' etc etc.. the list goes on. fucker.. so damn ironic.

why do they always insist on buying me pink and girly things?.. i hate GIRLY things.. floral is not the pattern to be.. why aren't they allowing me to wear those pop art shirts with double meanings?? why oh why?! why do they always buy me those girly-branded items which they know i wouldn't use?! (though afterwards, i'm still going to use these things because they shower me with guilt: "i bought that for you.. blah blah blah") why can't i paint my room black?! why can't i have another piercing? why can't i learn how to drive now?! why can't i fucking commute?! why do i they have to force me to smile at our relatives and act like everything's ok, when i really feel nauseated around them?!

shit. i feel like plastic. i don't feel like me.

following what they want is not really the hardest part.. yes, i super duper uber love them both.. BUT.. i also love my passion for adventure. our ideas aren't of the same hue... and that makes it more depressing. shit. fuck. sometimes, i think that i'm just keeping up with their expectations just to pay due respect.. and probably, gratitude for choosing me to at least live.. and in "normality"...

sheesh.. parents.. i like the idea of having kids though i don't want them to turn into monstrous hybrids of foolish teenagers. (example: ME!) let them be kids.. forever!!!!

what a day..

2006-03-08T04:21:00.000-08:00

i am sleepy and i haven't done my engltri assignment. *yawn*my dad got angry at moi because, as expected, i am not at all conscious of the time... i got out of school at about 5.20 and i had to fetch my mom at about 5.30. huwaaawww.. my fucking fault. -_-.

bad trip... literally! because those fucking rallyistas kept flooding the damn streets and caused all the fucking bumper to bumper traffic! fucker! as if no one's trying to get home! fuck you! why don't you just stay home and plant kamote?! shiyet.

***i went to divi with peachy. laughtrip. :D bwahaha.

a mameeh entreeehh!

2006-03-06T02:13:00.000-08:00

note: hi mameeh! if ever you stumble upon this entry.. ehehe. i was just thinking of you a while ago.. (goodnezz! so lesbo! :D bwahahaha!) so i managed to put some of my kor-thoughts here. :P

kor, also known as mameeh, is one of the MOST JOLLYIEST people i know. despite having sadness inside her, she still manages maintain her high spirit.. she could even highly infect us, her girls.. her anaks, with her invigorating laughter without a drop of sweat. her dazzling smile can brighten anyone's day.. even those whom are not that close to her. (and opkors... our dadeehs :D nekeneee!) this uberly hectic jazzer is highly regarded on how she balances her time. imagine... family + friends + school + jazz. AMAZING! *praise* the even more amazing thing about her is her determination and strong-will. astig! no one can change her unsoiled intentions not unless its for the better of the people around her (kor for president!)

having her as a friend.. as a tropa.. as a mameeh is proof that He loves me.. it is inevitable to look at the brighter side of life with her by your side, every minute, every second of the day :)

aylabsyu :D

semi-barbie girl in a fucking world

2006-03-04T23:21:00.000-08:00

i went to a parlor in greenhills with my family. each of us had our semi-make over... demmit! i swear.. those moments really made me feeling like a fully-pledged kikay girl. HA! so un-pr! >:P i guess once in a while.. you have to pamper yourself. its a theraputic way to waste your time :) hihihihi. sad to say, the pleasure is short-lived. walking out from that fucking filthy salon initiates your memory on unfinished papers and heaps of reading assignments. oh joy.. (-_-)

!@#$%

recent realization:

guys with fucking good looks aren't experts in finding the right girl
pfftt... yoh mah homie?! why so blind?! shiyet.
but come to think of it.. i'm one heck of mess. hihihihihihi.

wasted girl (aka lucky me) + neat guy = perfect match???!!!

naaah.. i think its still a matter of well-matched personalities. hhmm..

the earth doesn't want me anymore.

2006-03-03T03:12:00.000-08:00

these rants are supposed to be for yesterday.. but alas.. i was again.. dead asleep. fucker.

march 2
this day is probably the most embarassing day for me so far. 45 minutes of fucking humiliation. 2 mintues of tongue tied impromptu speech. 5 minutes of embarrassing walkathon in miguel. shit. i wouldn't bet on a non-humiliating, non-thwarting day to save my life!

but it was all forgotten because we had fun planning our surprise for cam :D hehehe. it wasn't only her who had a blast.. but also the rest of the girls. waaah! we really had fun witnessing her tears of joy and kiligness :) so priceless.. raarrr! :D

march 3

another fucked up day.. as usual. searching for my ballpen in my amazon-like bag is the climax of this day's story. shit. i have to do something with my life.. of course, apart from putting it to waste. haaay.. i'm so dissapointed with myself.

that filipi test was underestimated. can you blame me?! pakshit.

edited.*

my genpsyc teacher said that if a person is sleeping frequently.. it implies that the person is depressed. hhmm.. am i depressed?.. pfftt.. what about?!

itch and ash

2006-03-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

currently, i am itching to death. damn it! i don't know how this came to be..

here are some probable reasons why i developed this rash

* i maybe allergic to something.

*maybe, it's just a coping mechanism of my body.. since we are in the brink of summer..

*o baka naman isa na akong ketongin. wag naman sana uy!

*perhaps, i am one of the prominent victims of an epidemic. this rash is probably one of its symptoms in which i will eventually self-deteriorate. then, afterwards, die.

i FIRMLY believe that i do not lack bathing! believe me, our water bill has gone erratic since i developed the habit of taking a bath, let's say.. for about two whopping hours!

or probably.. the itch is a physical manifestation of a certain feeling.. hhmm.. what am i eager about? beats me..

!@#$%

today is ash wednesday.
and this is the first ash wednesday that i heard mass alone.
i felt lonely at first.. but eventually, i realized that the guy up there is with me. (uuy.. mushy! kadiri!)
and he really satisfied me far greater than anything or anyone.

i <3 him :P yihaaw!

haha! ..something unexpected from a girl with a damn filthy profane mouth!

so damn obvious! shit.

2006-02-28T00:17:00.000-08:00

curses! i confess, i still have that kilig high school thing going on everytime the situation calls for it. you know, the usual shrieks and wattafaces shit. fucker. aaaah! i am so damn obvious! i feel so transparent! i am so blatant! shit. i can't understand and i can't bear the fact that up to now, i still can't pull myself together and be a "woman" not only during those kilig sessions.. but in any day-to-day situation i'm in. come what may, the idea of "womanhood" and maturity can't seem to sink in into my system. though sometimes, i can present myself with "grace", but still it can't measure up with the ease and happiness that i have when i'm silly and childish. i'm in a great deal of satisfaction with how/why/what/who/where/when i am now.. its sad cause some or even most people can't seem to accept my peculiarity. probably, that's why no one can put up with me! oh, the hell with them.. fuck you! fuck this society! i can't please everyone.. i know that. pfftt..

anyway, bottom line is... even if i can't alter my childish tendencies.. i still have to at least control my exaggerated feelings and my obvious reactions.. i believe that people like me.. whom are ignorant to the highest degree about shitty things like flirting101 and debonairness.. aren't ready for that battle of who's got the most captivating hoaxes and inevitable charms that, more often than not, brings together a man and a woman..

or perhaps, i'm already geared up.. its just that i'm dealing with false princes. dunchutink?!

choing!
tangina mo.. asan ka na ba?.. :(

*PRaning.

fucking rants and more senseless thingamabobs..

2006-02-27T03:48:00.000-08:00

what a fucking republic this is.. (joke lang.. baka arestuhin niyo ko.. amp!) shady officials here.. a bunch of protesters there.. and a lot of indolent and neglectful countrymen everywhere. no wonder we're not even in the brink of humanizing. shiyet.

tangina. mahirap tuloy kumuha ng trabaho. pano na tayo, mga kapwa magaaral? sabihin niyo sakin! pano na?! kailangan na nating magalsa.. JOKE! hahaha. di bagay.

!@#$%

people have this notion that i am the connoiseur in the course of "moving on".. oh shit. assholes. well, i hate to break this to them, but hell NO! i am not capable of forgetting moments and people... even those bitchy feelings that creep inside from time to time.. malay ko.. probably, i just get used to each feeling.. tapos bahala na si batman.. kaya wag ako ang tanungin niyo.. si batman :P NYEEEH!

!@#$%

i am quite anxious on the numerous possible ways on how i'm going to die. oh.. the splendor of departing this chaotic world.. however... i'm scared. bleh.

!@#$%

and that's how the cookie crumbles.. labo!

conceited files: part 1

2006-02-26T03:11:00.000-08:00

LOOK! NO BANGS! *bleh*

filipi yesterday.. filipi tomorrow..

2006-02-26T02:16:00.000-08:00

filipi doesn't really intrigue me like some of my other classes. (sorry for the rudeness) but something (.. or someone. nyeh!) makes me refuse to give in to cutting classes. damn. or maybe, i still have that o'l goody two shoes person in me... HA!

haaay.. i don't want to go to school. i don't want to read those fucking long reading assignments. i don't want to do those damn papers. i don't want to answer those shitty quizzes ..aaaagggh! what an indolent person i am?! but despite this hatred i have, i still chose to push through with this "obligation" of mine. something helps me keep going... and it is no other than.. my beloved tropa. (uuy.. kadire ha! ang drama!) if it weren't for my gehlz, i'd probably be rebelling now... honestly, being with my gehlz is what i go to school for. *lahb lahb* .. also.. i love my parents. (cheneeen!) i'd want/love to give them back the hard work they've done.. rearing me and putting me in a goddamn good school.

ayun naman pala e! then why rant?! bobo. punyeta.

i am in the verge of sleeping.. again. and i haven't read all the filipi hand outs. fucker. i also haven't finished fixing my slashed up damn life, specifically, in the love department. (ok.. where did that come from? XD)

*quotable quote
:brought to you by my beloved sister

pa-fishing fishing pa siya diyan! ano ako? bangus!?

*tugush tugsh*

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

sleeping disorder

2006-02-24T13:16:00.000-08:00

i'm weirded out on how i fall asleep 0_0

when i'm in the middle of cramming my homeworks, downloading songs, chatting etc etc.. i tend to fall asleep.. wateesdamatterwidmeeh?

just like yesterday, i slept in the middle of my genpsyc-visual-aids-making... and to think i drank coffee before that. watsapweedaat?!

and you know what...

zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZz...

i can't believe i'm updating again.

2006-02-23T16:54:00.000-08:00

fuck.

i'm updating my blogger account. oh well.. kinakaliwa ko yung lj ko :( hu hu hu. bad blogging person... labo! hhmmpp! first blog never dies!... ok.. weird!

alas! there are no classes today, hendopkors!, tomorrow! yahooo! happy happy joy joy!

i am fucking lazy through out this week that i didn't do any-fucking-thing right. shitty. palapakish is the word for me. i can't understand why... everyday, i always wake up angry, and in the evening.. i also fall asleep angry. raarrr.. i'm angry because i'm always angry. (ehh?) and this angry-ness of mine can't seem to go with the forces of everybodyelse... in the normal world. and the fucking shitty about that is i don't know what i'm angry about. i'm just mad. i'm just devasted... and this, my foes, scares me.

bleh. shit. bitch. fuck. (hehe. pls. don't mind my profanity)

this is what you get for being paranoid. shit. pffttt... *sigh*

i miss the times when i can calm myself down. with just a flick of one of those happy memories, i'd see myself with a grin plastered in my face.. yes, like one of those mental patients. i miss those times when i wasn't so bothered about what's happening... in the real big world and as well as in my little corner. understanding why i can't bring those times back really leaves me in a state of ramshackle... Poignant Ramshackle ( notice the first letters of the two words.) shit. it really fits me. fucker.

*just a random thought..
friends, also, do break hearts. and it sucks.

my first fucking post

2006-02-21T16:22:00.000-08:00

i want my first post to be so damn memorable that i will fucking cry until my heart burst and this so called sou..l that swims amidst my body... will flee me. my blood should rush like rapids.. each drop bumping my veins; causing an internal hostility. My brain should engrave every letter of every word until it sends an electrifying shiver, making me numb.. situating me in a comma. i want to look back to this post with anguish that i'd regret what i'd done and be skeptic of what i will be.

fucking lies. fucking rants. damn angst. is that why i am here for?
then fuck this sham life.
i am nothing in the future.
i know.

love can only be explained by pure reason.
and that, my foes, leaves us poignant.
its so distressing
that it slowly turns you black and blue
you just wish that you had a gun in front of you and a bottle of vodka on one hand
one gulp.. one pull..
then that's it.

love is pyar.. what a fucking lie that is.
nothing will scare me... well... other than high-heeled shoes.

see.. im not making any sense. blame my fingers, i'd nothing to do with this.

praning.