daughter.

my parents have this weird notion that i am a mini version of them combined.. and its annoying me to the limits. though they always say that i am 'free' and that i can be what i chose to be, they still lay down the ideas of conformity, 'the right thing to do', 'what looks nice' etc etc.. the list goes on. fucker.. so damn ironic.

why do they always insist on buying me pink and girly things?.. i hate GIRLY things.. floral is not the pattern to be.. why aren't they allowing me to wear those pop art shirts with double meanings?? why oh why?! why do they always buy me those girly-branded items which they know i wouldn't use?! (though afterwards, i'm still going to use these things because they shower me with guilt: "i bought that for you.. blah blah blah") why can't i paint my room black?! why can't i have another piercing? why can't i learn how to drive now?! why can't i fucking commute?! why do i they have to force me to smile at our relatives and act like everything's ok, when i really feel nauseated around them?!

shit. i feel like plastic. i don't feel like me.

following what they want is not really the hardest part.. yes, i super duper uber love them both.. BUT.. i also love my passion for adventure. our ideas aren't of the same hue... and that makes it more depressing. shit. fuck. sometimes, i think that i'm just keeping up with their expectations just to pay due respect.. and probably, gratitude for choosing me to at least live.. and in "normality"...

sheesh.. parents.. i like the idea of having kids though i don't want them to turn into monstrous hybrids of foolish teenagers. (example: ME!) let them be kids.. forever!!!!