are you worth my one peso?.. text me :P

1.40 nalang ang balanse ko sa celepono ko.. at di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko dun. amp.

to text or not to text? that is the question..

sheesh. to hell with that one peso..

katulad ng isang pisong load ko.. di ko din alam ang gagawin ko sa buhay. parang ang hirap magdecide.. ang hirap mag take ng risks. shet. kaya walang nangyayari sakin e.. takot kasi ako..

madami akong gustong gawin.. SOBRA. kaso nga lang minsan, di ko alam kung san magsisimula.. o kaya, madalas, pinangungunahan ako ng takot..

takot san?... aba'y di ko alam.. tangina.. naaartehan ako sa sarili ko..!

takot..
baka dahil sa posibleng mga taong makakabangga ko..
dahil baka di pangahalagaan ng taong paglalaanan ko ng risk yung gagawin ko para sakanya..
hay naku.. ang labo..

ma-pride lang talga siguro akong tao.. ayokong magkamali..

pffttt...

ayan.. nagastos ko na yung piso ko.. at kanino kamo?.. kay lahbidi :D

10 things that make me happy :D

.. hopefully, i'll be able to experience all of these before i die :D yehey :D

1. climbing trees
2. watching sunsets and sunrises with someone special (eeh? baduy!!!!!! :P)
3. ccp bike fest :D
4. riding the train for no reason
5. manila zoo/ museo pambata and other similar places
6. parks at night with matching chrismtas lights, fountain, benches, lovers (mamboso!), ducks, fishy, trees, shrubs etc.
7. fireworks ala disney land
8. ice cream :D
9. counting stars
10. walking/running/playing in the rain

.. + flowers, candy, isaw etc etc

..the list goes on..

aaah... my simple joys.. :D

~edited~

wenk! meron pa pala!

.. hanapin yung dulo ng rainbow :D

confusion befriends me

For once, i removed my paranoia..

and alas.. it became my downfall..

i cannot be not praning

its who i am..

its what i live for.. perhaps..

shit.

life and love will never match..

not at all..

you have to kill any of those two.. to fulfill one.

i'm sorry. i'm malfunctioning right now.

my heart aches. literally.

if i die... FUCK YOU.

iScream (naku.. patay tayo diyan)

Kanina pa kitang pinagmamasdan
Mukha mo’y di maipinta
Malungkot ka na naman
Kanina pa kitang inaalok nang
Kuwentuhang masaya
Parang sayo’y balewala
Sandali nga
Teka lang
May nakalimutan ka
Di ba’t pwede mo akong iyakan
Sige lang
Sandal ka na
At wag mong pipigilan
Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit
Iiyak mo lang ang lahat sa akin
Andito lang ako naghihintay
Lagi mong tatandaan
Di ka naman nag-iisa
Andito lang ako makikinig sayo
Sa buong magdamag
Sa’kin di ka balewala
Sige lang
Sige lang sige lang

*alam kong baduy toh.. sorry na*

scardey piyar

the fucking door of my parent's bedroom just slammed.. and fuck that because i'm alone in this fucking house. fuck. fuck. fuck.

yes yes.. i'm scared to death. i'm not moving right now.. well, except for my fingers and my fucking palpitating heart. shit. i'd not dare look sideways.. and for god's sakes.. behind! NO WAY!

i just called up my dad.. and he said its just the wind. SHIT. as far as i know, not even a whiff of air could possibly get inside this house. first, its so damn hot today.. second, our neighborhood is so congested.

shit. i'm scared. help me.

trapped

i think they only love me whenever i do something "good".. or whenever i adhere to whatever they are in favor of..

this relationship is so materialistic.. everything seems to be negotiable.

good grades = something tangible

and that's it.

in crucial moments, every favor.. every deed is laid down before you.. and of course, as expected.. guilt and conscience will flood your system.. thus making you surrender.. its as if you have no choice but to return what is given to you.. or even exceed that.

sheeesh. so much for unconditional love..

enrollment etc.

fucking enrollment system. why do they have to require a certain subject to a lot of students then not have ample slots for all of them? WHY LASALLE?! WHY?!

sad..

yesternight was a blur. i can't remember everything that happened. though i do recall a few things like the sight of red horse, those homos in tulyase, walking in sj walk, crying/screaming, and using the computer. when i woke up at around 5.30 am, my things were cluttered everywhere. my clothes yesterday were on the floor.. which most likely tell that i stripped them off like a snake shedding its skin. the pillows on my kiddie mat were scattered around as if a thornado passed by it.. i guess there was a throwing/kicking incident last night. on the whole, my room is a sorry sight. and with a loser inside it.. haha.. its more revolting and pitiful... well, i think its a normal effect of being intoxicated.

super rant!

i admit.. i have amats now.. my chinky eyes are chinkyer..

I HATE MEN! assholes! demmit! putangina!!!

if only you could be sensitve.. like us! putangina! I HATE YOU!

i hate all of you!!!

pride.. chicken?

i admit. i am quite proud.. but with good intentions.

weeeh??

pls.. let me explain.

for some reason, i can't ask for what i really want. i can't seem to insist people to do me favors. believe it or not, such situations really gets me so damn shy. :P i feel awkward when people offer me something. i feel that whatever they have to offer is better off if they keep it to themselves. i feel that i am in no match with the efforts and sacrifices that they will take on whilst the favor proper . and with that.. it results to my untainted veto.

there are also times when i refuse but deep inside me.. i'm in dire need of his/her help or i'm dying to put my hands on that thingamabob the person is giving me. shit. but alas, i still say no.. and this time.. i am not sure why. i can't admit to the other person that i want it so bad. i get shyyyyyy.... i feel weird. 0_0

that, my foes, is where the pride part comes in... i think. hhmm.. it displays pride in a sense that i'm not accepting the other person's present. dunchuthink? well.. I DONT KNOW. i really get shy.. super duper shy... during these situations.. shitty. kalabuan nga naman ng buhay..

i can't understand.. but i really get bashful when a person displays his/her goodwill and generosity to moi.. i feel that i'm not as precious and as worthy as their kindhearts...

!@#$%

i am sick. fucker...

i have loads of work to do.. yet procrastination is still my gameplan. >:P

daughter.

my parents have this weird notion that i am a mini version of them combined.. and its annoying me to the limits. though they always say that i am 'free' and that i can be what i chose to be, they still lay down the ideas of conformity, 'the right thing to do', 'what looks nice' etc etc.. the list goes on. fucker.. so damn ironic.

why do they always insist on buying me pink and girly things?.. i hate GIRLY things.. floral is not the pattern to be.. why aren't they allowing me to wear those pop art shirts with double meanings?? why oh why?! why do they always buy me those girly-branded items which they know i wouldn't use?! (though afterwards, i'm still going to use these things because they shower me with guilt: "i bought that for you.. blah blah blah") why can't i paint my room black?! why can't i have another piercing? why can't i learn how to drive now?! why can't i fucking commute?! why do i they have to force me to smile at our relatives and act like everything's ok, when i really feel nauseated around them?!

shit. i feel like plastic. i don't feel like me.

following what they want is not really the hardest part.. yes, i super duper uber love them both.. BUT.. i also love my passion for adventure. our ideas aren't of the same hue... and that makes it more depressing. shit. fuck. sometimes, i think that i'm just keeping up with their expectations just to pay due respect.. and probably, gratitude for choosing me to at least live.. and in "normality"...

sheesh.. parents.. i like the idea of having kids though i don't want them to turn into monstrous hybrids of foolish teenagers. (example: ME!) let them be kids.. forever!!!!

what a day..

i am sleepy and i haven't done my engltri assignment. *yawn*my dad got angry at moi because, as expected, i am not at all conscious of the time... i got out of school at about 5.20 and i had to fetch my mom at about 5.30. huwaaawww.. my fucking fault. -_-.

bad trip... literally! because those fucking rallyistas kept flooding the damn streets and caused all the fucking bumper to bumper traffic! fucker! as if no one's trying to get home! fuck you! why don't you just stay home and plant kamote?! shiyet.


***i went to divi with peachy. laughtrip. :D bwahaha.

a mameeh entreeehh!

note: hi mameeh! if ever you stumble upon this entry.. ehehe. i was just thinking of you a while ago.. (goodnezz! so lesbo! :D bwahahaha!) so i managed to put some of my kor-thoughts here. :P

kor, also known as mameeh, is one of the MOST JOLLYIEST people i know. despite having sadness inside her, she still manages maintain her high spirit.. she could even highly infect us, her girls.. her anaks, with her invigorating laughter without a drop of sweat. her dazzling smile can brighten anyone's day.. even those whom are not that close to her. (and opkors... our dadeehs :D nekeneee!) this uberly hectic jazzer is highly regarded on how she balances her time. imagine... family + friends + school + jazz. AMAZING! *praise* the even more amazing thing about her is her determination and strong-will. astig! no one can change her unsoiled intentions not unless its for the better of the people around her (kor for president!)

having her as a friend.. as a tropa.. as a mameeh is proof that He loves me.. it is inevitable to look at the brighter side of life with her by your side, every minute, every second of the day :)


aylabsyu :D

semi-barbie girl in a fucking world

i went to a parlor in greenhills with my family. each of us had our semi-make over... demmit! i swear.. those moments really made me feeling like a fully-pledged kikay girl. HA! so un-pr! >:P i guess once in a while.. you have to pamper yourself. its a theraputic way to waste your time :) hihihihi. sad to say, the pleasure is short-lived. walking out from that fucking filthy salon initiates your memory on unfinished papers and heaps of reading assignments. oh joy.. (-_-)

!@#$%

recent realization:

guys with fucking good looks aren't experts in finding the right girl
pfftt... yoh mah homie?! why so blind?! shiyet.
but come to think of it.. i'm one heck of mess. hihihihihihi.

wasted girl (aka lucky me) + neat guy = perfect match???!!!

naaah.. i think its still a matter of well-matched personalities. hhmm..

the earth doesn't want me anymore.

these rants are supposed to be for yesterday.. but alas.. i was again.. dead asleep. fucker.

march 2
this day is probably the most embarassing day for me so far. 45 minutes of fucking humiliation. 2 mintues of tongue tied impromptu speech. 5 minutes of embarrassing walkathon in miguel. shit. i wouldn't bet on a non-humiliating, non-thwarting day to save my life!

but it was all forgotten because we had fun planning our surprise for cam :D hehehe. it wasn't only her who had a blast.. but also the rest of the girls. waaah! we really had fun witnessing her tears of joy and kiligness :) so priceless.. raarrr! :D

march 3

another fucked up day.. as usual. searching for my ballpen in my amazon-like bag is the climax of this day's story. shit. i have to do something with my life.. of course, apart from putting it to waste. haaay.. i'm so dissapointed with myself.

that filipi test was underestimated. can you blame me?! pakshit.

edited.*

my genpsyc teacher said that if a person is sleeping frequently.. it implies that the person is depressed. hhmm.. am i depressed?.. pfftt.. what about?!

itch and ash

currently, i am itching to death. damn it! i don't know how this came to be..

here are some probable reasons why i developed this rash

* i maybe allergic to something.

*maybe, it's just a coping mechanism of my body.. since we are in the brink of summer..

*o baka naman isa na akong ketongin. wag naman sana uy!

*perhaps, i am one of the prominent victims of an epidemic. this rash is probably one of its symptoms in which i will eventually self-deteriorate. then, afterwards, die.

i FIRMLY believe that i do not lack bathing! believe me, our water bill has gone erratic since i developed the habit of taking a bath, let's say.. for about two whopping hours!

or probably.. the itch is a physical manifestation of a certain feeling.. hhmm.. what am i eager about? beats me..

!@#$%

today is ash wednesday.
and this is the first ash wednesday that i heard mass alone.
i felt lonely at first.. but eventually, i realized that the guy up there is with me. (uuy.. mushy! kadiri!)
and he really satisfied me far greater than anything or anyone.

i <3 him :P yihaaw!

haha! ..something unexpected from a girl with a damn filthy profane mouth!